Places I Have Peed

1. The Grand Canyon, hiding behind a mule, during a break on the overnight trip to the Phantom Ranch. I was 16 and mortified.

2. Hoover Dam, the restroom on top of the dam with an intriguing Deco design on the floor. I was 22 and high as a kite.

3. At Tony’s, where Jordan asked me to marry him. Try the tenderloin with foie gras. It is to die for, I swear.

4. The Larimore, with my bridesmaids, two of them, holding my tulle and satin and lace moments before I was to make my grand entrance.

5. My in-laws’ timeshare in Naples, Florida, where the bathroom was decorated with mermaid tiles and a claw-foot bathtub painted pearly aquamarine.

6. The Gulf of Mexico, several times, on our honeymoon.

7. My in-laws’ house in the country, the bathroom at the back of the house where I borrowed without asking a Zoloft from the array of neatly arranged choices.

8. Same place, on a magic stick that showed a plus sign.

9. The Chicago penthouse where I hid in the Jacuzzi tub (empty) until Jordan and a brunette I vaguely remembered from our wedding went onto the balcony and I crept away with a pair of red panties found on the floor.

EPIPHANY FERRELL is a writer from southern Illinois. Her work has appeared in Best Microfiction 2020, New Flash Fiction Review, Third Point Press, and in the 2020 National Flash Fiction Day Anthology. She is also a blogger for the literary magazine, Ghost Parachute.