Places I Have Peed
1. The Grand Canyon, hiding behind a mule, during a break on the overnight trip to the Phantom Ranch. I was 16 and mortified.
2. Hoover Dam, the restroom on top of the dam with an intriguing Deco design on the floor. I was 22 and high as a kite.
3. At Tony’s, where Jordan asked me to marry him. Try the tenderloin with foie gras. It is to die for, I swear.
4. The Larimore, with my bridesmaids, two of them, holding my tulle and satin and lace moments before I was to make my grand entrance.
5. My in-laws’ timeshare in Naples, Florida, where the bathroom was decorated with mermaid tiles and a claw-foot bathtub painted pearly aquamarine.
6. The Gulf of Mexico, several times, on our honeymoon.
7. My in-laws’ house in the country, the bathroom at the back of the house where I borrowed without asking a Zoloft from the array of neatly arranged choices.
8. Same place, on a magic stick that showed a plus sign.
9. The Chicago penthouse where I hid in the Jacuzzi tub (empty) until Jordan and a brunette I vaguely remembered from our wedding went onto the balcony and I crept away with a pair of red panties found on the floor.