COURTNEY SEYMOUR

A Line Has Two Sides; or, Damn, Ms. Librarian, I’d Like to Check out Your Book, Please—An Online Dating Cento

The best dating advice I can give you: Be simple. Be real. Avoid doubts of your spouse. Love selflessly. Avoid people talking into your relationship. Be a giver.

My Love Language is Quality Time. Quality time is part of the love language. Quality over quantity.

To be clear. I want a relationship. I think the key to any good relationship is a solid friendship. That’s where companionship falls into. Not all relationships have to have a stigma attached to them.

Life is good ZERO pressure ZERO drama let’s just relax have fun and see what happens.

Heyyyy!! I have to talk to you!!! It’s a must!!!

Yeah, I know. You’re thinking, “Where does he stash all the extra savoir faire?” Then again, you may be wondering what “savoir faire” is. No matter. All you need to know is that I’m a fairly decent guy, educated and good for a laugh.

Damn, Ms. Librarian, I’d like to check out your book, please.

I was going to wait to let you message first, but I can tell you prefer a guy that takes initiative.

Now I am not a “Trump lover” but if you have the audacity to be as judgmental to say anything political, please pass me by.

Ooooh. I love liberals. So much fun stuff to discuss. Are you a feminist also?

The man should pamper his woman. Help with the household duties and spoil her. Chivalry isn’t dead.

Just need a cuddly affectionate non-psycho with low drama.

I would love to have a kid with you.

Don’t want kids.

I agree a general agreement is ideal, but it’s always nice to get the point of view of someone who doesn’t agree entirely with you.

A politician shouldn’t keep you from finding someone you might mesh with. Let it go! You don’t have to agree on every little thing.

You are a tough cookie. You know that? Lol beautiful cookie.

If you replied I did not receive it sorry I would have written back.

You certainly aren’t a typical looking Librarian!! You are gorgeous!!

I guess we don’t live too far apart and you have beautiful eyes and smile and I could go on but I won’t.

Thanks for not replying.

By the way, there is no way you are 43. Why lie?

Mike, 49: So, here’s a refreshing perspective…. The truth. I’m an honest man. (I’m 51, not 49.) I have secrets, that I can’t tell anyone.

I won’t shut up about reptiles, video games, my past.

I took my wife who passed away to the airport. I packed her bags and we flew to Vegas for a long weekend and she had no idea.

I like the typical stuff. Travel, time with friends, hiking, Netflix penguins. Well you look good far away woman.

Are you in the witness protection program too?

How do you feel about tasteful, librarian-themed lightbulb jokes?

COURTNEY SEYMOUR is a librarian, domestic violence advocate, special education family support facilitator, mother, writer, and New England transplant. Her poetry appears in Whispered Words: A Writer Shed Press Poetry Project, Slam!: Performance Poetry from the Underrepresented, Survival & Beyond: A Survivor Anthology, TPT Magazine, The Elevation Review, Kelp Journal, and the Poetry Society of New York’s Milk Press. Her work is forthcoming in Why I Stayed: An In-depth Exploration Into Intimate Partner Violence. Follow her Instagram @b_irth.stories.