AYESHA RAEES
God & You in Shadowplay
“What I sometimes mistake for ecstasy
is simply the absence of grief.”
―Sarah Kane
Don’t lose
your tower.
Your figure gives shade
to heat.
When the sun melts
into twilight, I wake
to name calling:
there is a mosque
in my ceiling
and all my sheets
are pillows
drowning.
Scavenging for pulse
has become a spiritual
practice.
My hands
cup for my darlings
with every ameen.
Yet.
I leak.
A mouthful of monsoons in my mouth.
I open my window.
I find a tiny land:
There you are.
You are a giant in slouch.
Your legs have several knees.
Your fingers are full of knots.
You
& God
have become the same thing
awashed in
TECHNICOLOR
where all these skins
are too POPPING
these eyes
too GREEN
this music
too DANCING.
Many seasons,
I had my bones
kissing the sticky floor
with a soul
crying for knockout.
And all these party tunes
got me smothering
my ancestral lungs.
At least once,
God has made us all
very sad
but just like love,
God is not God
without His sadness.
Inside you, my God
in failure.
Inside me, you
but never mine.
And for us kind?
A sky
as planet’s skin.
An imagining
birthing
on the cusp
of a disco mind.
Always
an always
for endearment.