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Setting Boundaries

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Setting Boundaries means that we:


  • Act to protect and take care of ourselves.
  • Stand up for what we need and deserve.
  • Define what are, and what are not acceptable ways for others to treat us.

Benefits to Setting Boundaries:


  • We learn to respect and honor ourselves.   This is due to the fact that the first thing we have to do in setting limits with others is to decide that we value ourselves enough to establish the boundary in the first place.
  • We create a climate of mutual respect with others. Just as children thrive when their parents set standards for their behavior, adult relationships flourish in much the same way.   People appreciate it when we think enough of them to be open and honest with them.
  • We get in touch with how we really think and feel.  Often times what happens when we postpone our own needs is that we also ignore and/or suppress our true feelings about the situation.  If we’re not in touch with our feelings and needs, one thing we can do is to ask ourselves the following questions:   How am I feeling right now? and What do I need that would help me be happy today?
  • We learn to recognize that we have choices, and learn to exercise these choices.   Many times when we don’t set boundaries or don’t set appropriate ones, it’s because we feel we have to do whatever it is.   This may be because we feel we must please the other person or because we think and/or feel they have control over us.   The truth is, however, that we always have a choice.   That is our right!
  • We learn to face our fears.   We may not set limits with others because we’re afraid of conflict and therefore generally avoid it.   Or maybe it’s because we’re afraid of disappointing others.   Being afraid is ok; but we should learn not to let our fear keep us from achieving our goals, from standing up for ourselves, or from meeting our own needs.   Remember that acting courageously isn’t about not being afraid.   It’s about acting despite our fears.   If we can learn to do this, then we’ll be better for it.


How to Set Boundaries, Part II

 

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