As an RA or RD intervening to resolve a conflict between students, it’s important that you structure the time that you spend with students. It is also essential that you make sure that they know what you expect from them during this time.

1. Construct a “Community Contract.”  During your first hall meeting of the semester, ask your residents to anticipate the types of problems they will have with roommates and neighbors. Then, for each problem listed, decide as a floor how each of these concerns will be addressed. Have all residents sign the contract, agreeing to abide by the outlined terms.
2. Don’t Allow “Past Stuff.”  Don’t allow students to bring up past issues, even if they are related to the current situation. While you can sympathize with a resident’s frustration that the conflict seems to be happening again, stress that they must concentrate on the problem at hand since past events can’t be undone or changed.
3. Help Students Save Face.   Most college students want to avoid being embarrassed or ridiculed during a conflict. Have the attitude that you aren’t there to blame one person over the other, but to focus on finding a solution.
4. Look for Residents’ needs and interests that lie behind their concrete positions. Behind every dispute, there are people who have certain needs that aren’t being met or are being abused in some way. Show honest concern for these needs.
5. Listen Well and Summarize.  As you pay special attention to listening, encourage the students to listen to each other. Periodically, have the students paraphrase what they hear the other(s) saying. This will help ensure any misunderstandings get cleared up. You will also need to do this to make sure you see each resident’s point of view correctly.
6. Focus on Feelings.  Ask students to talk about their feelings and what happened that contributed to their feeling that way. Discourage starting sentences with “You” but instead encourage “I feel _____________ when _____________.” Model this kind of language as you talk with residents.

   Likewise, acknowledge their feelings so that they know you care about how the problem is affecting them. One simple way to do this is to say,”I understand.”

7. Talk Calmly.  Require that your residents discuss the situation calmly. Take breaks if things get too heated. If you and/or the students are unable to remain calm, don’t hesitate to table the discussion and try again at a later time.
8. Recruit Others to Help.   When residents are uncooperative or have reached an impasse, have other students who are separate from the conflict offer possible solutions to the problem. The disputing residents are then free to criticize and change the proposed solutions until they reach an agreement they can live with.
9. Set Limits.  Allow students time to vent their frustrations, but make it clear that this time is limited. Have residents spend the majority of their time discussing possible solutions to the problem.

Compiled from:

Albright,C. (2004). Ten tips for Managing Conflict, Tension, and Anger. Retrieved August 6,2004 from About.com website: http://mentalhealth.about. com/cs/selfhelp/a/tentips_p.htm.

Bounelis, J. (2004). Community Contract. Retrieved August 5, 2004 from ResidentAssistant.com website: http://www.residentassistant.com /advice/ communitycontract.htm.

Fisher, R., and Ury, W. (1991). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In. New York: New York: Penguin Books.

Jordan, T. (2004). Seven Guidelines for Handling Conflicts Constructively. Retrieved February 4, 2004 from Mediate.com website: http://www.mediate.com/ pfriendly.cfmid=976.

Life Skillbuilders: Kopy Kit Reproducible Resources,(1994).Fight Fair. Parlay International.