Davis explains that reconciliation is achieved along a continuum. That is, there are several different ways to make peace with someone. For the purpose of this discussion, I have given them names to make them easier to identify and discuss, although Davis doesn’t use these terms in her book.

• Prior level of intimacy being reestablished in the relationship
• All hurts being resolved
• Closeness, satisfaction, and renewed growth in the relationship

• A change in one person’s perspective about the relationship
• A change in one person’s view about what can be expected from the relationship
• Both of these changes in perspective occur regardless of whether or not the other person makes significant changes in their attitude or behavior

• Relationship remaining unresolved
• Ambivalent feelings toward each other continue
• Ground rules being established for limited, but cordial contact

• No restoration of the relationship is possible
• One or both persons have made peace with themselves about the relationship

Finally, Laura Davis addresses the role of memory in making amends with others. She reminds us that no two people remember the same event exactly the same way. Our memories of events are combinations of visual images tempered by our own perceptions of those events.

As such, our recollections of events may be very real to us, but they may not be what actually happened. Davis says that we need to keep this in mind as we pursue reconciliation with another. Being open to the possibility that our memories may not represent reality is what allows old hurts to fade with time and what enables us to change in ways we previously thought were impossible.