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Anger
 - If you think the other person is going to be violent, leave. Bilodeau reminds us that no one deserves to be physically assaulted, regardless of the circumstances. This is a basic human right, and there are no exceptions to this rule. Don’t assume that the other person will stop being abusive. Just get away!
- Understand and attempt to use your own anger productively. Bilodeau asserts that we all respond to another’s anger the way we did as children. This means that we are acting based upon some attitudes and information about anger that are probably flawed or incorrect in some way. Therefore, she suggests that we need to understand where our perspectives on anger are wrong before we will be able to effectively respond to someone else’s anger.
- Assert self when verbally attacked. Here, the author of The Anger Workbook tells us that we need to protect our sense of self-worth when we’re in a dispute with someone else. One way that we can do this is to stand up for ourselves when that other person is assaulting us verbally. Bilodeau recommends the following possible responses:
- “I’ll listen to you as long as you stop the verbal abuse.”
- “I want to hear what you’re angry about, but I can’t while you’re putting me down.”
- “You don’t have the right to talk to me this way. If you want me to listen, then stop the put-downs.”
- Excuse yourself and leave, or ask the other person to leave.
- Respond as one adult human being to another. Bilodeau explains that this can be done by following a series of steps. These steps are:
- Have the goal that you’re there to listen to what the other person is trying to tell you.
- As you begin to tense, tell yourself, “STOP!” Take a breath and exhale it slowly.
- Mentally negate your expectation of what the other person is trying to do to you.
For example, you might tell yourself, ”I don’t know for sure that he’s trying to manipulate me. He may not be like others I’ve known.” - Tell yourself to listen. “I’ll just keep listening.”
- Respond to the message you’ve heard.
Make statements and ask questions that are specific.
“It sounds like you think I’ve treated you unfairly. Is that right?” Then, as for further clarification.
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