You were upset with your roommate, partner, or friend.  You could feel your body tensing up as your “fight or flight” response was triggered.  But you did the right thing.  You two talked and talked.  You finally settled your differences.  It’s over.   So why do you still feel bad?  One possibility is that you still have some unfinished emotional concerns.  However, there’s another reason to consider.

 The human body isn’t a machine.  You can’t just turn off your emotions because a conflict has ended.  Think of all the times you left a movie still crying or sad.  What about the long lasting feelings of happiness that you have long after you made great love or had a wonderful talk?   Anger, too, produces lasting sensations as your body slowly returns to normal. 

Take a minute and think about the sensations and reactions you experience after a dispute.  Some common ones include:

●  Relief

●  Need for physical reassurance (hugs, holding)

●  Fatigue/Exhaustion

●  Irritability

●  Need to be alone

●  Depression

●  Headache/stomachache

●  Urge to eat, drink, smoke, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with these reactions, nor any other ones you might have that aren’t listed above.  They are the normal costs of a conflict.  But, you do need to pay attention to them.    It’s important to take care of your body and mind after a conflict. 

Don’t just try to go on as if nothing happened.   Instead, take some time to heal.  Think of this time as like the cooling down period that athletes take after strenuous exercise.